Hollywood Sticks It To Nations Poor

KEWAUSKUM, WI - During the worst recession in United States history, Hollywood's rich and famous threw a lavish party to reward themselves for being wealthy, famous, and attractive.

Goldie Hawn, who was described as "Still hot."		     Zach Jenson, who recently lost his position as Manual Shovel Operator at a local dirt farm was particularly disappointed in the rich and famous of the world waving their junk in his face. "As if this economic downturn wasn't bad enough, I turn on the TV last night and all I see is a bunch of goddamn richers patting themselves on the back." Jenson described the gala awards event as, "a real kick to the groin. Dirt just doesn't bring in money like it used to."

    "First off,that Wolverine guy's accent was totally fake. And then he's up there dancing around in a tux. What a screw you to all the poor Americans like me." Jenson angrily watches the show on a 27 inch standard definition television. Unable to afford a coupon for a converter box, he lives constantly with the threat of not being able to watch shows which make him angry. "I hope they flip the switch to digital so I don't have to watch this crap anymore," Jenson commented as he got up from his stained recliner to get another can of Red, White & Blue. "Screw this, they should give an Oscar to Mark Borchardt just so we can hear a decent acceptance speech from a real American."

    A closer inspection of the awards presentation revealed subtle insults to the less fortunate. The awards for best screenplay, both original and adapted, involved reading from the script; a clear taunt towards the American public education system. The award for Best Makeup went to The Curious Case of Benjamin Buttons over Hellboy II, a slap in the face of people who watch action movies, the genre of the uneducated.

    Other suffering Americans found things to be positive about. "At least Goldie Hawn is still hot," said local Hay Counter Jim Kalinowski who also recently lost his job. "Sarah Palin looks good too," said Kalinowski. "She's funnier than she was during the campaign, but maybe that's because she's with Steve Martin." Kalinowski went on to fondly reminisce about all the funny Steve Martin movies, wondering aloud why comedies never seem to win.
    Janusz Kaminski's appearance was not received well in the heartland of America. His complaint that business was slow in town while holding a gold statuette in each hand was met with scorn. "Move to Michigan!" yelled Harvey "Harv" Zielinski who quickly popped the top of another Blatz.

    The evening came to an end early in the midwest when the award for best supporting actor led to a fist fight. "The award went to the dead guy, well, no fucking shit!" yelled Zielinski. The ensuing fistfight with supporters of The Dark Knight, seemingly the only film with an Oscar nomination that anyone had seen ended when someone shot the television.

    "Gosh, what do we do now?" Scoffed Jenson. "Let me guess, a bunch of rich guys have awards to a bunch of other rich guys."

    Ironically,some of the awards that went unseen included the award for Best Picture that went to Slumdog Millionaire, a rags-to-riches fantasy story.
Sarah Palin was probably funnier because she had help from Steve Martin.