I petty the fool.

I wanted to play quarterback but they wouldn't let me because the kid they already had was the coach's pet peeve

That guy was like 8 foot twelve.

New best practice is each director gets 2 red flag challenges per shooting day.

Did you hear about the kid "with altruism who has a perfect NCAA tournament bracket?"

We should all be so selfless in our NCAA basketball prognostication.

We need a fan to waffle the air out of the room.

Back in the late eighties everyone and their sister was named Zachary.

We need a fan to waffle the air out of the room.

Don't shake the boat that feeds you.

Did you hear about the kid with altruism who has a perfect NCAA tournament bracket?

I'll do anything on a job, I'll even wax poetry.

It is better to be bitten in the ass than the other way arrond! It would would be very painful and most disturbing to bitten on thy PENISE ! [sic]

I fell off the band wagon.

Say hello to my little pretty!

He was acting like a fucking union stewardess.

I've never snuffed a waiter like that before.

There's a cop sitting in a nice Crown Royal.

Cross, Steels, & Nash

You know what I need? I need U-Face.

Just like Pain and Abel.

Ahhhh-ooooooo, werewolves of thunder. What? It's not thunder? Come on.

Am I goin' too anal on ya?

It's like stealing from Mary to pay Paul.

Weird Al Alcovic

Instead of Ben Llama I said Bin Laden.

That place is a three ring circle.

Ah for the christ of lord.

Hey! That's I'll get offensive to.

My computer lit up like a ping pong machine.

He doesn't know me from Jack from Adam.

That guy is bald as a china-ball.

It's still black as day.

He doesn't have a crap to piss in.

I know how to get everywhere; I just don't know where to stop.

Talk about getting your foot caught in the cookie jar.

We went to Vegas and saw Garfield and, Sigmund and Freud.

The jury was sequestioned.

That guy smokes like a fish.

I'd give him his $3,000,000 and let him ride the pine tar.

You could never pay me enough to be that dysfunctional.

He couldn't hit the brown side of a barn.

That wouldn't happen if I didn't eat like such a Bavarian.

One dog pony show.

The guy was incognito to the whole situation.

Dan acts like Ethel Merman from 'I Love Lucy'

Like a bridge over muddy waters.

Night at the improb.

After the drummling, I took in football last night.

My wife and I don't have to worry about having any more kids; she's been circumcised.

I wasn't thinking when I thought of that.

I gotta go to the bathroom and release myself.

Perception is 9/10ths of the law.

I'm not the sharpest spoon in the drawer.

A fool and his money soon depart.

He looks like a smorph.

If I could only drink in moderation; I could drink every day.

Let's all go camping and sit around the forest fire.

I gotta rob Mary to pay Paul.

My reputation exceeds me.

Put me up on a pedastool.

Just call me Ninestein.

Never underestimize me.

I can't phantom that.

Can I have some of your coffee? I didn't bring my thermostat.

I got caught in traffic dreadlock because there was a bad accident and Fight for Life came.

How 'bout those Penn State Nifty Lions and those Illinois

Fighting Alumni.

I am the Sheik of Taiwan.

I painted my mailbox like the sixteenth chapel.


Grusz to English Dictionary (Abridged)

Aneurysms = Mannerisms
Intergent = Immigrant
Shake & Bake = Steak & Shake
ukulele = sheleighly
ecliptic = eclectic
Cinco de Mayo = When Mexican's took the Alamo
Third Semester = Third Trimester
Enarmored = Enamored
Turtle Arm = AlligatorAarm
One Song Pony = One Hit Wonder
Christianed = Christen
Dishbag = Douchebag
Baking Powder=Baby Powder
Nutrition = Attrition
Scarborough Affair = Scarborough Fair
Sigmund and Freud = Siegfried and Roy
Chocolate Mothballs = Malted milk balls.
Ménage à trois = Montage
Albuquerque Tuna = Albacore Tuna
Forest Fire = Camp Fire
Reliable = Liable
Futility Clinic = Fertility Clinic
Frutation = Fruition
Phantoms, Foot longs = Fathoms
El Nemo, El Neemyo = El Nino
Drench coat = Trench coat
Uncle Stan = Uncle Sam
Bisquick = Visqueen
Cue Tap = Cube Tap
Blueberry = Blackberry
Cher-ner-ble = Chernobyl = Chumura
Long Heels = High Heels
Hamster = Dumpster
Curly = Curdled
Barack Obama = BA Baracus = That guy they let go instead of Jesus.